Family members are invited and encouraged to attend SOAR. And from my vantage point as a mother with daughters in college, I think you should go. Isn’t this when the “experts” say you should give your student independence? Yes, it is highly recommended that the student be given room to grow. But that doesn’t mean your involvement has to end; it’s just a different kind of involvement.
SOAR is a great example. Even if your grown-up student thinks there’s no need for you to be there, the truth is they’ll hardly know you’re around. During SOAR, you will not be with them the entire time — they go to the student program and you, of course, go to the family program. At various times throughout SOAR you’ll meet back up with your student to catch up and share what you’ve learned.
There are numerous reasons you should attend, but here are two important ones:
Attending SOAR with your student affords you one last chance to bond.
Even though you’re not together for the whole event, the time you do spend together during SOAR will help you find out what’s important to your student, what they’re interested in, what they’re concerned about, what they’re hoping for. It’s an opportunity for you to be there for them, to listen and learn and to help as needed.
The family orientation program offers you the opportunity to ease your mind.
At my oldest daughter’s orientation, I wanted to know about health care: Where do students go if they get sick? The family orientation program is designed to answer questions most pressing to family members. You’ll find out about student health services and wellness centers; learn about campus safety and student organizations; and meet the professionals at the university.
There is also an emotional component to attending SOAR. When a student leaves for college, the entire family goes through a transition. At SOAR, you will meet other parents who are not exactly sure what’s in store. You will also meet parents who have “been there, done that” and can serve as a wealth of knowledge and support. You can share stories, make connections, learn how to encourage your student while still letting them grow, find dates of important campus events such as Spring Family Day and Family Weekend. Family Weekend is a great time to return to campus, visit your student and the school through his or her eyes. And yes, take them shopping while you are in town!
As you can tell, I’m a strong advocate for attending SOAR. For me, it was an important part of the process of raising my daughters and allowing them the freedom to follow their dreams. At each orientation, I learned how things worked on campus and what my daughter’s first-year experience would be like. I made new friends. Most importantly, I came away with a sense of peace. I wasn’t as anxious as I had been because I saw the school (rather than just touring it), met the key players, and discovered that the faculty, staff, and administration wanted to see my students succeed as much as I do. That made everything worthwhile.
Here is some practical advice to help you get the most out of SOAR:
- Wear comfortable shoes! You will be doing a lot of walking.
- Come prepared to get lots (and I do mean lots) of great information and many pamphlets, flyers, etc.
- Bring a sweater (for some reason conference rooms are all cold, no matter where they are).
- Accept that you will need time to process everything you hear.
- Plan on being tired (but the good kind of tired).
- Most importantly, encourage your student and enjoy yourself!