This week we are featuring another guest writer from the community! Connie Trower, of Waynesville, has graciously shared her daughter Isabel’s story of inclusion.
Prior to fifteen years ago, Inclusion is not something I have given a lot of thought. My biggest fear of not being included was in elementary PE when captains were able to pick teams. I can remember my hands sweating hoping I was not chosen last. However, my fear of not being included became strong when our third child was born, Isabel, who by chance has Down syndrome. Personally, I wondered when I sat in a room with my friends, would I be the same person. Would I choose to exclude myself because of my new difference as a mother of a daughter with Down syndrome? Most of all, I worried about Isabel being excluded. For a short time, I visited the things Isabel will never be: a cheerleader, a student in a regular class setting, a teenager included in peer activities. Then time proved me wrong. With Isabel’s strength, her will to succeed and personality all of these fears were disproved. Nevertheless, I would not be honest if I told you it has been easy.
Isabel was involved in many activities in her early years: dance classes, piano lessons, T-ball and cheerleading through our churches Upward program. She had an abundance of opportunity to spend time with typical friends. Not to mention she has a sister about sixteen months younger than her. Even in school, I have always felt fortunate about Isabel’s time in regular education. Yes, math and reading were in a resource room, but her other subjects were in a typical class setting. She continued her piano lessons, which obviously is not a social activity, but I could write a book on the importance of piano in Isabel’s life. She was fortunate to have been asked to be a manager for the volleyball and basketball team her seventh grade year. She chose not to take the offer her eighth grade year. She graciously declined, as filling the water cups hurt her thumb! In true Isabel form, she is often humorous! Isabel’s lack of a social life during seventh and eighth grade saddened her. It’s not that the girls her age were not nice to her in class or when they were together, it is just Isabel was not at the same maturity level to do some typical middle school activities. At low times, she would cry and say she did not have friends, “Because of this,” as she pointed to her face. Isabel has always been aware she has Down syndrome and is unique. She may even play the Down syndrome card when convenient such as she cannot perform a certain chore because of Down syndrome. It also did not help that her sister has quite an active social life outside of school.
Towards the end of Isabel’s eighth grade year, cheerleading tryouts were being held for High School Freshmen squad. Isabel wanted to be a cheerleader! I did not know how this would work out. At best, I thought she may get to be a part of the squad in some capacity, but it would look different. In addition, as a mother of a daughter with Down syndrome I go through all the worst-case scenarios in my head (None of which usually materialize!) In the end, Isabel was offered a spot on the squad, which she enthusiastically accepted. I am forever grateful to her cheer coaches and athletic director. Cheerleading is not for the faint of heart. They practice all summer and when school starts, they practice after school and attend all home and away football games. In the winter, they cheer for home girl and boy’s freshman games. There are many chants, cheers and a fight song dance to learn over the summer as well as running during cheer practice. It has been a commitment, and not only for Isabel, but for us as parents to get her where she needs to be and to attend every game. BUT, we have enjoyed every ounce of it. Moreover, the best part is, we do not hear Isabel talk about not having friends any more. She is kept busy with cheerleading and gets an abundance of socialization with some wonderful co-cheerleaders and friends. Isabel is treated equally with the other girls on her squad. One rule for the squad is when you miss a day of practice you run. Isabel missed one day and had to stay after to run, it really proved what we already knew; the coaches treated Isabel like everyone else. Isabel recently accepted a position on the Waynesville High School Junior Varsity Cheerleading Squad for next school year.
When it was time for high school, I was anxious about the transition to a larger school with three levels and about sixteen hundred students. I was sure she would get lost and no one would sit with her at lunch. We put her schedule on the back of her ID on her lanyard so she could ask for directions if lost. Isabel continues to attend regular classes with resource classes for math and language. It turns out, I should never have been worried about lunch. Isabel found her spot with no difficulties.
I could not have been more wrong about Isabel those first days after she was born. Isabel is included. She is a confident, happy teenager with amazing self-help skills. A huge part of this is family, friends and teachers she has had thus far. Yes, she fights with her sister, becomes anxious when the schedule changes during testing week at school and is frustrated on weekends when she has to do her own laundry. However, since making cheerleading, she has found a balance in her life that includes a social life. Like the rest of us, there will be times when inclusion is not possible or does not occur, but for now, we are hopeful and excited for the future.