The Thanksgiving break is just a couple of weeks away. To be honest, I’m counting down the days until I hit the road to see my daughters in Tennessee. As I’ve been talking to our students, I am hearing a common theme…they are ready for a longer break and Thanksgiving fits that bill. The majority of our students will head home on November 21st! They are dreaming of sleeping in their room in their comfy bed and their favorite food their families cook for them. They are excited! As you are, I’m guessing! You’ve missed your student! A weekend visit here and there has been good but the thought of spending lots of time with your student really makes you happy! You won’t even complain too much when they come home, dragging in five bags of dirty clothes (you might question what they have been wearing the past few weeks but that’s neither here nor there).
Now, keep in mind, your student has a lot on their minds right now, such as studying for finals (start on December 9th), worrying about grades, contemplating changing majors, graduating and getting that first “real life” job after college and internships. That’s in addition to their obligations to the organizations they are a part of, their friends and general everyday life.
So to get the 411 on what our students are thinking, I asked students across campus to fill in the blank of this statement, “When I go home for the holidays, I wish my family would…” Here are some of the answers:
“Be excited to do fun things around town! There are restaurants and places that I miss from my hometown when I’m gone for a long time and I want to go visit them when I’m home, especially since Branson and Hollister get super into Christmas stuff.”
“Give me space and time to relax. No need to plan anything. I’d rather just enjoy their company.”
“Plan fun things for us to do as a family! I️ never get to see them, so I️ love when they plan things for us to do together. It makes up for all the time we don’t get to be together!”
“Communicate with me about the family’s schedule during the time I am home so that I can plan to hang with friends at a time that won’t conflict with family time. Planning things to do is always good, but allow plans to be flexible.“
“Realize that lifestyles between home & college may be different, so not nagging on me if I️ choose not to be home and in bed by 10pm at night but also, I have to respect home rules.”
“Realize college is really draining and that when I come home I need to sleep!!! Also, cook my favorite meals and spend time with me.”
“Give me a moment to relax before bombarding me with questions. I’m excited to see them and want to actually spend time with them and not just answer the same questions over and over.”
“Make my favorite snacks and cook my favorite meals.” (This was a recurring theme from most of the students I talked to!)
Did you see yourself in some of the students’ answers? I did! When my oldest daughter came home for Thanksgiving her first year in college, I had every minute of her time planned. Not my best idea. She wanted to sleep (which led me to ask “aren’t you getting enough sleep”?), she wanted to watch movies with her sister, work on last minute college projects, spend time with friends and hangout with the family. Let me tell you, we clashed! But once we had a conversation about the holidays and the expectations, everything was much better. It’s all about communication (and it made our Winter Break together even better)!
Here are some tips to help you avoid a holiday clash with your college student.
Prepare yourself for surprises. Ask yourself “What if?” What if he wants to stay out all night? What if she spends all her time at her friend’s house? What if his friends hang out here until 4 in the morning?
Acknowledge their growing independence and their accomplishments. Acknowledge these changes in your conversations by changing “demands” to “choices” when negotiating new boundaries.
Become a good listener. Your student may want to discuss changing majors, new living arrangements, or personal relationships. Try to really understand what you student is saying and ask open-ended questions. Say, for example, “Tell me more about that,” or “How did you feel when that happened?” Listening is the key!
Address specific topics you need to discuss. Some of these may include:
Curfews
Family time and expectations
Updates on majors and academic life
Budgets for college life
Time management issues
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. Students may be drained and running on empty. Give them time to refuel. This may mean biting your tongue if they sleep until 2 p.m. or their rooms look like the aftermath of a cyclone. It’s all okay. You are getting valuable time with your student, getting to know the adult they are becoming.
~Priscilla