When at college, you are involved in a variety of experiences that your family is not directly a part of. In our family sessions at SOAR we encourage families to let students “grow”. This means that students have many experiences that their families are not involved in. Sure, I update my family on the latest happenings/news in my life, but when I think about it, there are many moments my family doesn’t get to be involved in. Whether it be when I went through formal sorority recruitment and joined a chapter, got accepted to be a SOAR Leader, even taking my first college class or going through my many critiques in my art classes. All of these experiences, though potentially shared verbally with my family after the fact, were experienced by me alone. On the same note, there were things that happened back home that I was not able to be directly a part of.
Through the thrill of starting the new adventure of college, I didn’t think about the environment I was moving on from. New and exciting things were happening constantly when I started college and it wasn’t until later that I realized exciting and important things were also happening at home. My family does a pretty good job at keeping me up to date on the happenings at home, but there are still moments I miss out on.
I have recently come to realize this and have preceded to comfort myself in the fact that this is a healthy position to be in. There is always talk of how college is such a big transition and a new beginning, but I don’t think us students fully realize that right away. The physical transition itself of moving on campus, taking college-level classes, working, managing our own schedules etc. is the most prominent. However, I think the most substantial indicator of that transition is when the student starts to branch off from the life of their families in more ways. I find myself giving my family less and less details about my daily happenings here in Springfield. This isn’t fully intentional, and I still share a lot with them, but I’ve found myself pulling away from the reliance on them. I’ve started to be able to make judgement calls on my own, live purely in the experience by not worrying about documentation of photographs or video to show them later. Don’t get me wrong, I still have the calls with them asking dumb questions like, “can Styrofoam go in the microwave?”, “how do I fill out a W-4?” and “does hairspray expire?” The important thing to remember is that independence is good but so is being close to your family.
I recommend that students not be fearful to seek out independence in their life when they come to college but also balance that with maintaining a connection with your family. I also suggest that families try to do the same. As students, we want to still be involved with happenings back home just as much as you want to hear about our college adventures.
Best,
~Zoë