Emotions are abundant this time of year as you prepare for your student to come home for the first long week after starting college. You’ve got the plan to take them to all their favorite spots, you’ve taken off work to spend more time with them and even snuck in some shopping time for those new winter clothes to take back. You’re so excited to see your student…and they arrive at home, exhausted, un-showered and car packed with dirty clothes, sheets and summer clothes to exchange. They head straight to bed only to sleep way into morning and get up in time to head out with friends. What happened to that special time to catch up and enjoy being together?
Students go through many emotional and sometimes physical changes as they work through the first 60 days of college. They often change how they care for themselves through showering or clothing options. They may also get what some call “friendsickness” where they have been living, working and being with a certain set of friends who have become like family (PositionU4College.com, 2016). They will likely miss their newfound friends and relationships in a way you haven’t seen before and many students may even choose to leave the break early to go visit new friends.
And this one may really hurt…students start referring to their residence hall room or apartment as “home”. Chris, an 18 year old student quoted “I would say something like, ‘Back home I eat cheese steaks at least twice a week. My parents were like, ‘you are home’” (Johnson, 2010). Another family recounts the time when their daughter called their roommate during Thanksgiving break to ask “when are you going back home?” (Hefferman, 2015). After all, this was the home they just left six weeks ago!
Life may have changed for your student in a relatively short period of time. Some of the changes may be perceived as good or bad. You may be seeing the student gain more independence and have less regard to previously established rules. You may also see a student who has encountered a tough semester and want to drop out or transfer. Most importantly though, the guidance you provide during this transition is invaluable.
Below is a list of guidance provided by other families who have made it through the Thanksgiving transition:
- Learn to compromise. Converse and reason even when it’s hard and try to stop making demands (Hefferman, 2015).
- Stop seeing this as lingering days of childhood, but rather, the first moments of adulthood (Hefferman, 2015).
- If the student is struggling to connect in or outside the classroom, but there is not a mental health concern, adopt a wait-and-see attitude until the next holiday break (www.PositionU4College.com).
- Work together to build a calendar during break (Johnson, 2010).
- Students understand that they go through a change, but any changes you exhibit or any change to the environments they left in the summer will likely be met with resistance (Johnson, 2010).
Here’s to a successful Thanksgiving with your student!
Heffernan, L. (2015, November 22). Thanksgiving with college students: Fantasy, reality and getting it right [Blog post]. Retrieved from https://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/thanksgiving-with-college-students- fantasy-reality-and-getting-it-right.
Johnson, J. (2010, November 25). For freshmen and parents, a new reality: Home for the holidays isn’t what it [Blog post]. Retrieved from www.washingtonpost.com/wp- dyn/content/article/2010/11/24/AR2010112402567
PositionU4College. (2016, November 1). College freshmen home for Thanksgiving [Blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.positionu4college.com/home-from-college-for- thanksgiving/.
(submitted by Tara Benson, Associate Director Plaster Student Union/Director of Student Engagement)