Ok, I have said for years that airport security in the US is over regulated, over officious and useless; and simply provides the illusion of security. Well, I’d like to officially welcome Bangkok airport security to the stupid list.
(I am going to clean up and correct the comically poor English used by airport security so you can understand)
I had a roughly 2 ounce bottle of Vietnamese snake wine, which is alcohol with a dead snake soaking in it.
Stupid airport security lady: You can’t take this on the plane.
Me: Why?
Stupid airport security lady: It’s dangerous?
Me: How so?
Stupid airport security lady: It’s alcohol. You can’t have alcohol on the plane.
Me: They serve alcohol on the plane.
Stupid airport security lady: You can’t carry on.
Me: Ok, I’ll check it.
Stupid airport security lady: You can’t check it.
Me: Why?
Stupid airport security lady: It’s dangerous.
Me: How is it dangerous checked in my luggage.
Stupid airport security lady:The snake inside is dangerous.
Me: You realize it’s dead, right?
Stupid airport security lady: It’s dangerous.
Me: Can you please be reasonable? It’s a gift for a friend.
Stupid airport security lady: No. It’s dangerous.
Me: How?
Stupid airport security lady: The snake could hurt someone. ( I swear to god this is what she said).
Me: It’s dead.
Stupid airport security lady: It’s dangerous.
Me: Enjoy drinking my snake wine you useless $&@?!@&$?!
Stupid airport security lady: Sir, come back. Legally we can’t throw this away. You have to dispose of it.
Me: Yeah, that’s not happening.
Stupid airport security lady: You have to.
Me: Whatever, sounds like your problem. ( and then they watched Alex’s fat butt waddle off into the distance).
Here’s the kicker part one: I had been through three airport checkpoints with the bottle, including the one this happened in previously.
Here’s the kicker part two: Someone in our party had just gone through the same checkpoint with not one, but two of these bottles, both larger than mine.
So, if you know me ( who doesn’t) and you love me (who couldn’t); do me a favor. The next time you go through airport security please make it a point to tell each and every person there how useless and pointless their jobs are, and that they could make a better contribution to the world working the drive thru at Burger King.
As I have learned in my expansive globe trotting, sometimes when you travel abroad, you have to take one on the chin.