By Mike Merrigan, J.D., MBA
By the time you are reading this, another U.S. Open and Father’s Day will be a memory. I am not sure why, but for me this is always my favorite week of the year. Maybe it’s because our first child, Patrick, was born on Father’s Day. Or because a year later I attended my first U.S. Open on Father’s Day. Or the next year when I won my first Certificate of Need for St. Luke’s Hospital. Or because for a short fleeting period in time, I thought I had it all and was in perfect balance. Over the coming decades I worked so hard to keep that balance, but for some reason work seemed to keep getting in the way of family things. Like many of you, I read all the books: The Road Less Traveled, Man’s Search for Meaning, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (twice), A Purpose Driven Life and dozens of others. I attended seminars, prayed a lot, did yoga, meditated and even worked for the Sisters. The more I tried to achieve balance, the worse I got at it. Ladies, for all of you who struggle with the concept that women can’t have it all, men have the same struggle — we just don’t admit it. I am not ashamed to say that I wanted my cake and not only wanted to eat it, but I also wanted to enjoy it.
Ernst & Young published a report in May citing that a third of full-time workers say it has become more difficult to manage work-life balance. The 40-hour work week is a thing of the past, and being a working parent is better almost anywhere else in the developed world than it is in the U.S. (due to the lack of family-friendly policies in most U.S. organizations). Many of today’s senior executives will tell you that, for most, work-life balance is at best an elusive ideal and at worst a complete myth. So how can you give your all to your job and yet live a rich and rewarding personal life? Those who do it most effectively have learned from hard experience that it is a matter of carefully combining work and home so they do not lose themselves, their loved ones or their foothold on success. Students at the Harvard Business School interviewed almost 4,000 leaders worldwide over a 5-year period and learned that deliberate choices don’t guarantee complete control because sometimes life takes over. They also learned that there is no “one-size-fits-all” solutions. However, they were able to identify five common themes that helped executives meet both work-life and personal-life challenges.
Defining Success – This looks different for different people and will evolve over time. There are also significant gender differences — women place more value on individual achievement, making a difference, respect from others and passion for work. Rewarding relationships is the most common shared theme across gender; however, men list merely having a family as success, and measure success more based on personal financial achievement and organizational achievement.
Managing Technology – How full is your inbox? Voicemail messages? Text messages? One of the biggest challenges today is to be the master of technology and not a servant to it. Best advice: make yourself available — but not too available — to your team, be honest about your ability to multi-task, build relationships and trust through face time, and keep your inbox under control.
Build Supporting Networks – How often have you heard the phrase: “It takes a village to raise a child?” In reality, it takes a village to raise an effective executive. Their study found that support at work matters, especially having a compassionate boss who helps you through a personal crisis. Emotional support outside of work is a must, especially for millennials who are getting their first management position often at the same time they are having their first child.
Supportive Spouses and Families – Successful executives often have supportive spouses and families who make sacrifices and concessions. But when it comes to family friendly policies at work, the U.S. is way behind. Male senior executives readily admit that they don’t prioritize their families enough. And female senior executives are more likely than men to have foregone kids and marriage to avoid the pressures of combining work and family.
Life Happens, so Plan for it – No matter what you do (or don’t do), “life happens.” We tend to ignore work-life balance until something goes wrong. Then we go into crisis mode and bury our heads in the sand hoping things will work out. This “hoping things will work out” as a strategy doesn’t make sense in the boardroom or in your business, so why would it make sense in your personal life. Sometimes you just can’t have that piece of cake, but with a little better strategy around diet and exercise, when you do have it, you might actually enjoy it a little more.
Lastly, Gary Player, winner of several major golf titles and a fitness enthusiast, summed it up pretty well in an interview, during the U.S. Open, about how he finds balance:
Be happy – Laughter cleanses the soul.
Exercise, and eat less – You will live longer.
Love – Have love in your heart and you will have God in your heart.
This article appeared in the September 11 edition of the Springfield News-Leader and can be accessed online here.
Mike Merrigan, J.D., MBA, is a clinical professor in management at Missouri State University. Merrigan, a former vice president and regional general counsel for St. John’s Health System and Mercy Health, writes on issues related to health care, including the Affordable Care Act. Email: michaelmerrigan@missouristate.edu.