For its 2024 annual retreat, the Sudden and Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC) Foundation asked Missouri State University’s Dr. Melissa Schotthofer to assist in grief workshops.
Schotthofer, who is a clinical assistant professor in the child life track at MSU, invited two of her former students, Yukari Stickley and Ashton Hodge, to help facilitate a few workshops on Sept. 28 for children and teenagers grieving the loss of a sibling.
A meaningful collaboration
Stickley and Hodge both completed their bachelor’s degrees in child and family development with the child life option in 2016 and 2019, respectively. They also hold master’s degrees in child life studies from MSU.
Stickley works as a child life specialist at Cox Health and Hodge is a child life specialist at the Child Advocacy Center in Springfield.
For Schotthofer, the opportunity to work with her former students as peers was an enjoyable experience.
“It was cool to work with them as colleagues in the field, creating programming for the workshops,” she said.
Three of her current students also assisted with the effort.
“I gave them the opportunity to help, and they fully embraced it,” Schotthofer said. “They did a great job relating to the kids on a really tough topic. They represented themselves and our program well.”
Age-based workshop structure
For the workshops, the team created age-appropriate grief sessions for around 45 participants.
Ages 4-7
- Schotthofer read a book called “Invisible String” to the group and participants drew a picture of their loved one.
- Stickley asked them to write what makes them feel angry on a piece of paper. They were then told to rip their paper up.
- Hodge led a movement activity with the group.
Ages 8-12
- Schotthofer gave participants canvases to draw a picture of their loved one or a special memory.
- Hodge used sand art and had them draw what their life was like before their loved ones passed away versus their life in the present.
- Stickley repeated her drawing activity that she did with the previous group.
Ages 13+
- This group did one large activity involving butcher paper.
- They drew whatever they wanted and discussed their drawings together.
Importance of grief counseling
The goal of the workshop for Schotthofer was to provide a space for people to express grief who might not be able to otherwise.
“We know sometimes it can be hard for kids to talk about their lost loved one at school or with their friends and not everybody wants to hear about it,” she said. “But we had a lot of therapeutic conversations.”
Schotthofer was especially moved by the conversations she had with her peers, students and the workshop participants in the teenage group.
“They said, ‘Our friends just expect us to be over this by now, but it keeps coming up. Sometimes we’re fine, sometimes we’re not.’ That’s the nature of grief and bereavement,” she said. “We told the older kids that as they progress developmentally, it might hit them in different ways.”
“We also said, ‘You might come to a point where you’re feeling better for a while and then something new happens in your life and it restarts things again,” Schotthofer said. “And that’s OK.”
